Altitude Zero

 

Découvert en 2004, Agora Fidelio est un de ces groupes qui m'accompagnent à travers le temps. Plus que le groupe, ce sont leurs deux premiers albums qui sont encrés en moi. Pour être honnête, c'est même le tout premier que je chéris le plus. Moins bien produit que les autres, tout me plaît dans cet album. Les mélodies, les paroles qui me nouent l'estomac, c'est beau, sensible, délicat, merveilleux. Altitude Zéro. Tout un univers, aérien, évasif. Tout. 

Agora Fidelio, c'est aussi Toulouse et le travail graphique de Jouch, le magicien des sites web. qui m'a toujours laissée admirative. 

10h17 

L'enfance

Le dégoût

Hammam

Altitude Zéro

Agora Fidelio

De la route à faire

Si tu savais comme 

Une histoire de chair

La frontière est dépassée

Playlist # 15 - December 2013

I'll try to make monthly playlists again. The pretty and aggressive mess surrounding my head made me look for quiet and chilly songs. Enjoy.

Credit: Greg Girard

01 - Burial - Etched headplate

02 - The Orb - Little fluffy clouds

03 - Atoms for peace - Amok

04 - Air - Playground love (remixed by Nosferatu)

05 - DJ Shadow - Midnight in a perfect world

06 - Archive - Beautiful world

07 - Burial - Stolen dog

08 - Zero 7 - The road

09 - Alphawezen - Doux rêves

10 - Archive - Seamless

11 - Orbital - Sad but true

12 - Luniz - I got 5 on it

Etat second

' - Look at the sky!

- Come on, stop joking.

- No really, look at the sky, northern lights are here!

- Damned, you're serious. '

Those pictures are pretty bad but I'm not used to my camera, either to shot northern lights. 

 I N  T H E  B E G I N N I N G 

 T H E R E  W A S  N O T H I N G

 A N D  T H E N

  I N F I N I T E

Paranoid park

There's no place like home

Feeling less shitty even if things are getting worse and worse everyday.
Still missing my Norwegian home.
Memories*

Up and down

Parlons peu, parlons musique. Voici mon top 10 des albums découverts cette année (en construction).

01/ Bonobo - The North Borders (2013)

02/ Helios - Eingya (2006)

03/ Weezer - Blue Album (1994)

04/ The Naked and Famous - Passive me, aggressive you (2010)

05/ Atoms for peace - Amok (2013)

06/ Johnny Flynn - A Larum (2008)

07/ Cult of Luna - Vertikal (2013)

08/ James Blake - James Blake (2011)

09/ The XX - Coexist (2012)

10/ Claro Intelecto - Reform Club (2012)

Focus 3 # Kowloon Walled City by Greg Girard

I can't remember what I was looking for nor what I was looking for when Kowloon Walled City stuck me on my chair. What the Hell is that? 

That's Kowloon Walled City. Here is an interesting article from the Dailymail.uk where you can see some stunning pictures by Greg Girard. Those pictures are really sincere and it worth having a look on them. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing like that place in the world. I might be wrong and on the one hand I'm glad that place doesn't exist anymore but on the other hand, this is so unreal and even surreal. Now, place to some shots by Greg Girard.

 

  

Motivation

I need to find motivation. To work harder, to forget about being tired, to eat better, do more sport (volley ball and badminton are good for the mood), read more and experience more.

- 200 sit up a day
- 20 push up a day
- go to school every day
- smile to people instead of ignoring them
- stop complaining about every thing
- forget about people that make me feel bad/suffering
- 1 walk into the forest a week
- 1 fruit order from La Ruche every other week
- 1 good lunch every other day
- 3 hours of personal work a day
- 6 hours of sleep a night
- 3 mg of anxiolytics a day
- 1/2 sleeping a night
- 1 headache pill a night
- 1 prayer a day
 - only think about the current day

Let's try it!

Acid trip

alone rejected sad ignored humiliated ridiculous bad lost tired exhausted stupid fat empty lazy mean idiot me hated depressed

If only i could take my legs and run, run far away, somewhere i could exist and not  depressed. That's so ridiculous to write those stupid words when you have everything you need. When I was 13, I tried to kill myself twice. I did it because I was really depressed and suffering. Everything was falling apart but that was normal, I was a teenager. Now I am not a teenager anymore. I don't understand. I don't wanna kill myself anymore and I haven't tried to do it since my 13 stupid years old but I always feel bad. Actually, I almost always feel bad. Almost because when I'm in a new environment, somewhere I don't know anybody, somewhere I don't have to talk ... somewhere I can just be invisible and look at what's happening, somewhere I can stare at people, lye in the streets without any sense required .. In these moments, I feel happy. Talking and drinking with people I won't see anymore, with people I won't get attach to. That's a good feeling. You don't plan anything and stuff are just arriving. When you don't have time to think about it, you just do it. I like that. But most of my time I am making plans, studying while I'm fed up with it. Actually I'm not fed up studying, I'm fed up studying in a hurry and too much stuff. My brain doesn't follow and I'm anxious. Anxious to see how my physical condition is getting worse and worse every year. At 24, I look like 40. So serious, tired face. I have large shadows under my eyes and more wrinkles than my grandma who is more than 90. My vision is getting worse and nobody wants to help me or I don't wanna be helped. The only future I see for myself is being so ashamed for my parents to have a useless daughter, not married, spending their money and not looking for a well paid job. That's also making me nervous. It's common when you attended the Uni to have a great job. Be well paid,  if possible more than your parents .. but I'm not looking for that. I'm curious about the world. I'm not gonna get married and have a "perfect life". I'm too weak for that. Running away from people is easier. Try different lives in different places sounds more interesting. Live with a backpack sounds more exciting. I love my family and I don't wanna disappoint them but a life in a pretty house with children, husband and a beautiful car is not what I'm looking for. I can already see the look everybody is gonna take. How disappointing it will be. I see no great future for me. It's like a dual choice. On the one hand, I could find some courage and leave. On the other end, I'll be blind and end up alcoholic or drug addict in a big city like Berlin where I would forget about my anxiety with dark, hard and deep music and have a random job to pay my rend and not sleep in the streets. So dramatic, so ridiculous to have such thoughts when you are a coward living in your parents pants and when you don't have to pay your rent nor your food. I'm lost and nobody wants to hear it. People don't care and look at my as if I was a total freak. Or better, now they don't look at me anymore or they make fun of me when I'm out because of the pills. It's so fun to look at the fatty and retarded girl is so out that she cannot even hear you when you say stupid things about her. Dammed.

I have slept for a thousand years ...

... but now, I regret. New treatment, new pills. Fortunately, it will prevent me from being absent 50% of the day. Since I came back to school, I couldn't stand a whole day working and focusing on something. I cannot sleep at night without taking pills and I have a permanent headache, which doesn't help at all. My eyes are burning and my vision is so blurry. When will it stop? So here I am with another treatment for headache and back to sleeping pills which litteraly transform me into a zombie and make me sleep all morning long. Everything is postponing and I'm gonna get in troubles but for now, stabilizing is on the first agenda. Talking about agenda, what a busy one I have.

11/13/2013: Markov chain exam

11/15/2013: German exam (haven't started to learn anything related to German language up to now)

11/19/2013: Linear Optimization (wasn't able to attend 80% of the classes and haven't finished collecting lessons I missed yet)

11/30/2013: Beziers and Splines exam (lost, totally lost)

11/30/2013: Statistics (should be ok)

12/04/2013: Finite element (it's gonna be hard to limit damage)

Atoms for peace

In addition to that, I have to finish to write my internship report, my article on breast cancer, two Java projects (a memory game that bothers me and an interesting one on graphs), an English project (on organ don in the US), two other exams (Algorithms and Automatic control) and to take my guitar to the stringed instrument maker. Busy busy times.